Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
