Banned from zoo.
Again?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
