Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
