I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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