so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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