The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
