i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize