the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Vodka?
Forever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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