Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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