Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
