i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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