Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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