i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
