First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
