Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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