Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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