Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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