you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
