I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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