barbara walters just said penis...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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