there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
