he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
