Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
