thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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