oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
