did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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