I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
