she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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