dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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