had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
