There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
