I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
