Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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