I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
