ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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