He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
