I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Actions speak louder than pants.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
