I think I died a long time ago.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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