Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
