my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
