the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
