Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
