No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize