This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
