i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
