my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
