They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
