I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
