So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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