well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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