At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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