I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
