last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My ass is underappreciated
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