that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
