I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
