Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
