dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
