i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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