Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
