Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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