Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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