put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
