I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
