Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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