Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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