I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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