I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sorry my hands just texted you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
