New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
soo... how was my night?
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