come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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