I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
