what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
