Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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