she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Panties = found
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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