I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
