how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
