I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
