Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
