That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
