im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
