Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize